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Friday, February 02, 2007

Breaking News: Reveille De-commits


AP Newswire - February 2, 2007

In a bombshell revelation that rocked both the canine and college football worlds, Reveille VIII announced late Friday that she had withdrawn her verbal commitment to serve as mascot for the Texas a&m football team and would attempt to walk-on as a back-up to King Reboubt, the Washington Huskies mascot.

"It was a difficult decision," said Reveille, "But after I committed, Coach (Dennis) Fran(chione) never stopped by my kennel, never brought me any dog bones; he basically just ignored me."

When contacted by reporters on Thursday evening, Fran initially denied that he had ever intended for Reveille to serve as the aggy mascot or extended a verbal commitment, but later admitted that the announcement had been a bitter disappointment. "We just assumed that Reveille VIII would come to a&m since her mother had been a mascot," said Fran. Fran was quick to state that a&m has already taken steps to replace Reveille, offering the mascot position to Disney dog, Goofy, which Fran described as "More appropriate for this university, anyway." Fran added, "Plus, Reveille was a bitch!"

Outraged by yet another blow to the fragile aggy ego, Corp of Cadet members, attempted to lock the hairy canine in a closet; refusing to give her food or water until she pledges her renewed loyalty to all that is aggy.

Many aggy supporters were visibly upset Thursday evening. Notable among these was James McKinney, father of aggy lineman, Seth McKinney, who responded to the news by striking his own dog, Inbred, with a set of binoculars. McKinney initially claimed that the dog was not his, then later recanted and said that he thought the dog was attacking him, and he was merely defending himself.

Reveille was listed by many services as the top recruit...according to many aggy. This rating was prior to the de-commitment and therefore assumed that Reveille is no longer rated as high.

Aggy students have also decried the decision and have claimed that Mack Brown is behind it.

In the meantime, fearing a worse-case scenario, a&m administrators have conducted a student poll on a new mascot. At press time, 89.3 percent of the 20,000 students participating in poll favor a sheep to take over the reigns and prowl the sidelines of Kyle Field. The remaining 10.7 percent favor a modified Longhorns logo.

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Blogger Jarred Dunn said...

I almost thought you copied this off the Onion.
Good stuff!

11:34 AM  
Blogger Yost said...


LOL!!! Genius. Pure genius.

11:04 PM  
Blogger J D Allen said...

Despite our disagreement on NFL coaching hires, this was pretty damn great.

8:27 PM  

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